Randomness and Idiocy
by Dautr abr du Sundavar
Summary: What would happen if the characters from the movie and the characters from the books met each other? Warning: Even the book characters are rather OOC. People talk like 21-century people. Featuring cameos from Ranger's Apprentice and Harry Potter.


**A/N: Hey, guys! This idea just randomly came to me, so I wrote it down, and here we are! I finished it at, like, two in the morning, so it might get a little...weird...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own M&Ms (sob), just a pen. I also don't own any of the following (takes a deep breath): the Eragons, the Saphiras, the Murtaghs, the Durzas, the Rorans, the Katrinas, the Galbatorixes, the Shruikens, the Broms, the Jeods, the Angelas, the Aryas, the Oriks, the Nasuadas, the Hrothgars, Book Ra'zac #1, Book Ra'zac #2, Movie Ra'zac #42, Movie Ra'zac #587, Voldemort, or Gilan. All the book characters but Voldemort and Gilan belong to the wonderfully fantabulous Christopher Paolini. The movie characters belong to the (mumbles something uncomplimentary) directors of the Eragon movie (mumbles something else uncomplimentary). Voldemort belongs to the awesomely talented J.K. Rowling. Gilan belongs to the fantabulously wonderful John Flanagan. I do own the pin. Mmkay?**

* * *

_(All the book characters enter from right. Their movie counterparts enter from left.)_

Book Eragon: What the...What's going on here? Who are you?

Movie Eragon: I'm Eragon, of course. I think the better question is, who are _you?_

Book Eragon: _(sputters for a moment)_ Impossible! _I'm _Eragon!

Movie Eragon: No, _I'm _Eragon! You don't even look like me! You don't even look _human!_

Book Eragon: So? That doesn't diminish the fact that _I'm _Eragon!

Movie Eragon: No, _I'm _Eragon!

Book Eragon: No, _I'm _Eragon!

Movie Eragon: No, _I-_

Saphiras: _Stop it!_

Eragons: _(are silent)_

Saphiras: _(glare at each other)_

_(Meanwhile, everyone has been studying their counterparts intently.)_

Book Arya: How is this possible?

Movie characters: _(look at Movie Arya)_

Movie Arya: Why are you all looking at _me? I_ don't know. Ask him _(points to Movie Durza)_ or him _(points to Movie Galbatorix)_. I don't know anything about magic.

Movie Murtagh: But you're Arya!

Movie Arya: So?

Book Eragon: Really?

Book Arya: No.

Movie Arya: _(tosses her hair over her shoulder)_ Excuse me?

Book Arya: _(as if speaking to a less-than-intelligent being) _You. Are not. Arya. I am Arya. I am willing to accept that there are two of us, two of me, however you wish to word it. I am _not_, however, willing to accept that the second me is you. Look at us; we look nothing alike. I have black hair; yours is red. I am a head taller than an average human male; you are lucky to be five foot six. I have pointed ears; you do not. And personally, I highly doubt you can use magic _or_ a sword, because you are, for lack of a better word, a wimp.

Movie Arya: _(narrows eyes)_ Oh, it is on. _(attacks Book Arya)_

Aryas: _(engage in slapfight)_

Book Murtagh: When, exactly, did Arya become a wimp?

Movie Murtagh: When they made the movie.

Book Murtagh: _(shrugs)_ Okay.

Book Durza: _(has been studying Movie Durza singularly)_ Why do you have blue eyes?

Movie Durza: _(jumps and looks at Book Durza)_ Who are you?

Book Durza: _(growling)_ I'm _you._ Now answer the question.

Movie Durza: What? Oh, the director is an idiot.

Book Durza: Hhmmm...

Book Katrina: Okay, time-out. _(the Aryas continue fighting, but are ignored)_ I don't know about you, but I've got a few questions. First of all, why are we here? How did we even get here? And more personally, why are you _(points to Movie Katrina)_ here? You weren't even in the movie!

Movie Orik: I might as well have not been there.

Movie Nasuada: Me, too.

Movie Hrothgar: Aye.

Movie Murtagh: _(mumbling) _I wish I hadn't been in the movie, then I wouldn't have fangirls.

Movie Katrina: Um, well, I'm not sure why I'm here when I don't even technically exist, and I can't answer your other questions, so...

Book Katrina: Well, who can answer them?

FantasyNerd101: _(pops in)_ That would be me.

Everyone but the fighting Aryas: _(jumps)_

FantasyNerd101: Okay, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen closely. You all _(gestures widely to everyone)_ are here because I thought it would be funny to bring you together and see what happened. You got here by the power of my magic M&M pen_. _And you _(points to Movie Katrina)_ are here to provide a counterpart to her _(points to Book Katrina)._ Is everyone happy?

Movie Katrina: No.

Movie Roran: Not really.

Book Murtagh: _(shrugs)_ I'm fine.

FantasyNerd101: Good. _(pops out)_

Movie Murtagh:I thought you were supposed to be angsty.

Book Murtagh:At least I'm angstier than you. You're way too lighthearted, especially after the battle under Farthen Dûr.

Book Saphira: _He has a point._

Movie Murtagh: So he does. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Book Murtagh: _(grins)_ That's better.

Movie Murtagh: _(sulks)_

Book Galbatorix: I just realized something!

Book Durza: _(groans softly)_

Movie Durza: What now?

Book Galbatorix: _(sticks tongue out at Durzas)_ Shut up. I haven't actually been seen in the books yet, so no one really knows what I'm like. Therefore, I don't have to conform - however loosely - to any characterization besides insanity.

Eragons: And evilness. _(glare at each other)_

Book Galbatorix: _(sticks tongue put at Eragons)_

Book Hrothgar: This is all well and good, but what, exactly, are we going to do?

Voldemort: I'll tell you what _I_, for one, am going to do. _I'm_ going to-

Gilan: Dude.

Voldemort: What?

Gilan: Wrong universe.

Voldemort: Oh. Oops. _(Disapparates)_

Gilan: _(shrugs apologetically and disappears)_

Everyone but Aryas: _(blinks)_

Book Nasuada: Um...

Movie Shruiken: _What just happened?_

Book Brom: Uh...

Aryas: _(are still fighting)_

Movie Eragon: _(is staring at Aryas)_ We should really stop them.

Book Eragon: Probably. _(makes no move to do so)_

Book Ra'zac #1: And jussst what do you plan to do?

Movie Ra'zac #42: _(screeches incoherently)_

Book Ra'zac #2: _(clicks to Book Ra'zac #1 before speaking Human)_ Come again?

Movie Ra'zac #587: SCREECH!

Movie Brom: Sounds like a plan to me.

Movie Murtagh: _(under his breath)_ Says the man with the shoddily painted sword.

Movie Brom: What was that?

Movie Murtagh: Nothing.

Movie Brom: _(glares suspiciously at Movie Murtagh)_

Book Angela: _(claps hands)_ Well, this is interesting.

Movie Angela: _(in her "Look at me, I'm a psychotic mystic who should be in a straitjacket even though __they haven't been invented yet" voice) _Yes...perhaps t has something to do with the alignment of the stars...Aedail was especially bright this morning...

Book Angela: Oh, shut up. How do even stand up under all that gold, anyway?

Movie Jeod: She's talented.

Angelas: _(snort)_

Book Saphira: _(roars)_

Everyone including Aryas: _(freezes)_

Pin: _(drops)_

Book Eragon: _(tentatively) _Um...Saphira?

Book Saphira: Feathers!

Movie Arya: Huh?

Book Saphira: _They gave me_ feathers! _Dragons do_ not _have feathers!_

Movie Saphira: _Well, as much as it pains me to say this, Durza _did _say that the directors are idiots._

Movie Durza: Yeah, 'cause they are.

Book Durza: Shut up. Even though you're right.

Durzas: _(glare at each other)_

Book Saphira: _Yes, but I still want to tear them apart._

Eragons: _(shudder)_

Movie Galbatorix: _(randomly rips down a tree)_

Movie Shruiken who has been trying, unsuccessfully, to hide behind said tree: _(looks vaguely menacing)_

Book Brom: What'd you do that for?

Movie Galbatorix: _(shrugs)_ Ripping aside a tapestry is pretty much the most impressive thing I do in the movie, so I decided I'd try it on a tree. It's just not the same, though.

Book Arya: _(very obviously restraining her temper)_ So you mean you ripped down a tree for _no good reason?_

Book Jeod: That's what he just said.

Movie Galbatorix: _(grins)_ Hey, I am insane.

Book Arya: Just making sure. _(raises hand and blasts Movie Galbatorix with magic)_

Movie Galbatorix: _(screams like a little girl and runs away)_

Book Arya: _(chases him)_

Book Eragon: _(turns to Movie Arya and points after Book Arya)_ That is what you're supposed to be like.

Movie Arya: _(wide-eyed, staring after Book Arya)_ Uh...yeah...sure...

Eragons and Murtaghs: _(roll eyes)_

Movie Eragon: So, Durza, where's your smoky dragon thingy?

Movie Durza: You killed it.

Movie Eragon: I killed you, too, but I don't see that stopping you.

Movie Durza: _(opens mouth, shuts it, opens it again)_ Good point.

Movie Eragon: Thank you. And when I asked where the dragon thing was, I wasn't talking to you.

Book Durza: I never actually made a "smokey dragon thingy", as you call it. I dueled you on the ground.

Book Eragon: No, _I_ dueled you on the ground. He _(points to Movie Eragon)_ dueled him _(points to Movie Durza) _in the air, if I understand correctly.

Movie Eragon and Movie Durza: _(nod)_

Movie Saphira: _Eh? What was that?_

Book Murtagh: _(frowns)_ What are you talking about?

Movie Saphira: _I believe that's what I just asked you._

Movie Eragon: _(apologetically)_ Well, her hearing's not what it should be. Being stuck in a cramped space - such as an egg - for a thousand years, as well as the sudden transition from infant to adult, would be rough on anybody.

Book Shruiken: _I would imagine so._

Book Galbatorix: _(frowns)_ You have an imagination?

Book Shruiken: _(snorts a brief burst of flame) Very funny._

Book Galbatorix: _(bows)_ I do try.

Book Shruiken: _And fail miserably._

Book Galbatorix: _(pouts)_

Durzas: _(smirk)_

Book Angela: _(loudly)_ Okay, great Weilder of the Magically Mighty M&M Pen - _(mumbles) _whatever that is - _(shouting) _I believe we have all suffered enough!

FantasyNerd101 as a disembodied voice from above: _(cackles evilly)_ Not nearly. But my hand is getting sore, so I'll be merciful and end your misery.

Book Angela: _(still shouting) _You are most kind, O gracious one!

FantasyNerd101: Oh, shut up.

Book Angela: _(shuts up)_

Movie Galbatorix: _(falls from sky into center of group)_

Book Arya: _(comes back to group)_

FantasyNerd101: Okay, that's everyone!

_(white mist begins to gather)_

Movie Katrina: Goodbye, everyone!

Book Galbatorix: Toodles!

Book Arya: Atra du evarinya ono varda.

Movie Saphira: _CROQUET MALLETS!_

Everyone else: Huh?

FantasyNerd101: Don't ask.

_(mist swallows everything)_

* * *

**A/N: Ta-da! There 'tis. Did you love it? Hate it? In-between? Let me know! If you hated it, though, please don't flame, and remember what categories this is in.**

**Anyone who can figure out the nod to Harry Potter gets Oreos and a Book Saphira plushie! Hint: It's not Voldemort, it's in something someone says...**

**Thanks to Arcticwolfstudios for pointing out that Movie Arya had red hair!  
**


End file.
